Lara is my new client. She is very cautious but says that her goal for therapy is to explore her relationship with a former partner and that she was his mistress for many years. When I ask her how many she drops her gaze and does not respond for a moment. “I gave him my life, it was a sacrifice and I have paid heavily for it” . “She then proceeds to wipe away two tears” . “One falls onto the base of her hand” . She covers it up quickly.
She pauses when she mentions the word mistress. “I hate that word she whispers quickly but how else can I describe the relationship” . “He was married to someone else during our relationship” . “He had 3 children with his wife” . “He told me he loved me, and he promised me the world” . “But said he wasn’t ever going to be able to leave his wife and he never did” . “I thought that he eventually would, I waited as winter turned into spring and spring into summer and summer to winter” . “But he never did. That’s what brings me here” . “I need to explore this huge feeling of loss in my life”.
Lara looks away from me ruffling the ends of her skirt. Her hands are long and slender and have been beautifully manicured. She wears an expensive ring on her index finger. Her lips quiver, as she says ” I am 51 years old”. “I feel that my life has whizzed by me” . “I made choices that I can no longer undo”. “Every morning when I wake up I feel that I have wasted my life”. “I feel that I have handed over my life to someone else” . “I gave away my autonomy” . She sheds more tears this time and allows them to flow freely”.
“I have been to the most amazing cities in the world Paris, Hong Kong, New York. I have an amazing home”, “I have beautiful clothes and possessions but my life feels empty”. “I cant even place my finger on it, but something appears to be missing” .
“My life always appeared to be centred around his beck and call” . “Even my physical needs as a woman are yet to be fulfilled” . “He wasn’t around for the most important times to me of the year, like Christmas, Easter and some birthdays” . “I have spent huge parts of my adult life alone”.
“There still remains this huge void deep inside me and that is why I have come to therapy to explore why I feel this way” .
“I don’t have a nest like many of my friends” . “I have noone leaving and I don’t even have the luxury of having a consistent partner” . “I desperately wanted to have children and at one point I did get pregnant but he said a child wasn’t part of the deal and that he wanted me for himself” .
“He encouraged me to terminate the pregnancy” . “She unfolds her legs and cradles her stomach” . “I really wanted to have the baby” . “He promised me that he would make it up to me and that maybe he would reconsider us having a child together”. “It never happened, he never brought it up again and neither did I”.
” That’s what brings me to therapy Fola”. “Time has gone by so quickly today, she says as she smooths her skirt and rises slowly” . “Same time next week Fola”, “Goodbye Lara”, I respond. She closes the door firmly behind her.
Thinking all things therapuetic. 